到哪里都是主场

"The world is ending on Saturday. It would really, really suck if we only get to live three weeks longer than bin laden." –Jimmy Kimmel

世界末日是本周六。如果是真的那可太不爽了，我们只比拉登多活了三个星期。

We’re about to plunge into depression and national mourning. There are only five episodes of “Oprah” left. –Jimmy Kimmel

我们即将陷入抑郁，整个国家都将消沉。奥普拉秀只剩最后5期了。

"That’s right, Obama was in Ireland. He thought about buying a four-leaf clover for good luck, and then he looked at the field of Republican candidates and decided it wasn’t necessary." –Jimmy Fallon

奥巴马在访问爱尔兰，他在那本想买个四叶草以给自己的竞选带来好运。不过他想了想共和党的那几个候选人后，认为没必要买了。

"The pastor who incorrectly predicted the Rapture said it was a very tough weekend. To make it worse, his friends keep calling him saying, "Hey, it’s not the end of the world!" –Conan O’Brien

错误预测了世界末日的牧师说这周末很难熬，让事情更糟糕的是，他的朋友们打电话劝他：没事儿，这又不是世界末日。

“The Voice” is a big hit on NBC. Yes, NBC has a hit show. That’s probably why that preacher thought the world was going to end. –Jay Leno

NBC的音乐选秀节目《声音》非常火爆。NBC居然有一个收视率高的节目。也许这就是那个牧师相信世界将要末日的原因吧。

According to Osama bin Laden’s journals that were taken during the raid, he wanted to attack L.A. He changed his mind when he realized that he had nothing against the Mexican people." –Jay Leno

据搜捕到的拉登日记显示，他本来想要袭击洛杉矶。不过后来改变了主意，因为他发现自己跟墨西哥人无冤无仇。

"Harold Camping, who predicted the end of the world, says the new date for the apocalypse is October 21. If it rains, it will be October 22." –David Letterman

预测世界末日的牧师现在宣称新的大灾难日式10月21日。如果下雨的话，就是10月22日。

"A new Facebook app is coming out that will remind users exactly what they were doing a year ago from that day. Nine times out of 10, the answer will be ‘wasting your time on Facebook.’" –Conan O’Brien

Facebook上有一个新的应用可以告诉你一年前的今天你在干什么。十有八九答案是“正在Facebook上浪费时间”。

"Rudy Giuliani says he may run for President. So now we’re up to 7 candidates and 35 ex-wives." –Jimmy Fallon

朱利亚尼说有可能竞选总统。这样一来我们有七位候选人，35位前妻。

"Someone made a two-hour documentary about Sarah Palin’s political life. In case you’re interested in watching a movie that’s longer than Palin’s actual political life.’" –Jimmy Fallon

有人制作了一部关于佩林政治生涯的两小时纪录片。这比佩林的政治生涯还长。