到哪里都是主场

"Do you know in Switzerland, in Geneva, scientists are celebrating? They have a multimillion-dollar atom-smasher that has given us new information on how the universe began. Couldn’t these scientists save some money and just ask Larry King?" –Craig Ferguson

在瑞士日内瓦，科学家们在为一个造价几百万美元的原子加速器而欢呼，此加速器可以给提供一些宇宙起源的信息，为啥科学家不知道省点钱呢，直接问拉里金不就完了。

"Oh, you know what they do every Monday after Easter at the White House? They have the hunt, on the White House lawn. And they canceled it this year. You know why? I was stunned. I didn’t know about this. Last year a couple of kids accidentally stumbled into Dick Cheney’s underground torture chamber." –David Letterman

在白宫，每年复活节后的周一，孩子们都在草坪上找蛋，不过今年这个活动取消了，原因十分令人震惊：去年有几个小孩无意中闯入了切尼的地下秘密酷刑室。

"It looks like Sarah Palin will be doing some kind of reality show on cable. They say her exact role on the show is unknown, kind of like when she campaigned for McCain." –Jay Leno

佩林可能要做一个真人秀，但具体她的角色还没有确定，就像当年跟麦凯恩搭档竞选一样。

"Experts believe the iPad will revolutionize the way people procrastinate." –David Letterman

专家认为iPad会革新我们拖延的方式。

"KFC coming out with their new Double Down sandwich. It’s bacon and cheese wrapped inside two pieces of fried chicken. In fact, today, Al Qaeda said: ‘We quit. When it comes to killing Americans, we can’t keep up with you guys.’" –Jay Leno

肯德基新出了一种特大号三明治，熏肉奶酪加俩炸鸡块，结果基地组织宣布：我们败了，在谋杀美国人这方面，实在跟不上你们的步伐。

"KFC restaurants have unveiled the ‘Double Down,’ which is two slabs of fried chicken with bacon in the middle. Why not — we all have free health insurance." –Craig Ferguson

我觉得这个三明治不错，怕什么呢，我们有免费的医疗保险。

世博会开幕了，法国带来很多世界级名画，名画的保护问题一直是个难题，我有个好主意，让胡主席在画上题词就好了。  -Jeff