到哪里都是主场

"There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com." –Craig Ferguson

议会在讨论一个新的法案：给予总统关闭互联网的权利。戈尔强力反对，不是因为他发明了互联网，而是因为他刚刚注册了世纪佳缘（戈尔刚刚离婚）。

"This is the first time that two women have been on the International Space Station at the same time. That can only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight." –Craig Ferguson

这是国际空间站历史上第一次同时有两位女航天员，这意味着：无重力枕头大战。

"While testifying before Congress yesterday, BP CEO Tony Hayward called the oil spill a ‘complex accident caused by an unprecedented combination of failures.’ Then he realized he was reading notes left on the stand by a Goldman Sachs executive." –Jimmy Fallon

昨天在国会接受质询时，BP的CEO说漏油事件是由前所未有的各种失误造成的复杂事故，后来他意识到他正在念的是之前高盛一位高管留在台上的讲稿。

"Tony Hayward on a yacht. Where are the Somali pirates when you need them?" –Jay Leno

BP的CEO却还在游艇上度假，索马里海盗哪里去了？

"Oh, and how stupid is this. You know, this state is so broke, they’re just trying to make money any way they can. California lawmakers — this is real — are now considering a bill to allow electronic license plate frames on vehicles that will flash digital commercials. Who is this for? People who want something else to read while driving and texting?" –Jay Leno

看这条愚蠢的新闻，加州要破产了，他们想尽一切办法来增加收入，加州立法者，提议允许电子车牌，那样可以在车牌上放广告。请问那广告是给谁看的？一边开车一边发短信还有可能看其他的地方吗？

"Because of the success of ‘Toy Story 3,’ Pixar is now rushing ahead with its plans to do a sequel to one of its most popular movies, presented by BP. It’s BP presents ‘Try Finding Nemo Now.’" –Jay Leno

因为玩具总动员三的成功，Pixar开始筹备另一个大受欢迎的电影的续集，由BP制作：试试再寻找Nemo。

"In 2011, China will end America’s 110-year run as the No. 1 manufacturing country in the world. That gives me a great idea. We should start making the one thing we know the world will always need — made in China labels." –Jimmy Fallon

到2011年，美国保持了110年的世界第一制造大国地位，将由中国代替。我有个好主意，我们应该制造那件世界一直需要的东西：中国制造标签。

"Larry King’s oil spill telethon last night raised $1.8 million. Usually, to get that much money from Larry King, you have to divorce him." –Jimmy Fallon

拉里金昨晚为漏油事件筹款的特别节目募集到180万美元，一般情况下，想从拉里金手里拿到那么多钱，你得跟他离婚。