到哪里都是主场

"For the first time since April, oil has stopped gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. I’m not sure what engineers they used to fix it but I think we can rule out the guys who created the new iPhone 4." –Jay Leno

自四月份以来，墨西哥湾原油终于停止了泄露，不知道哪来的工程师完成的，但一定不是制造iphone4的工程师。

"Dick Cheney is recovering from heart surgery in the hospital. I understand Fox sent flowers, and MSNBC sent a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese." –Jay Leno

切尼从心脏手术恢复了，Fox台送去了鲜花，MSNBC台送的是额外多加起司的大号意大利香肠披萨。

"The big comic book convention, Comic-Con, starts tomorrow in San Diego. This is a week-long convention of comic books, science fiction, video games, and other forms of birth control." –Jimmy Fallon

大型漫画书展明天将在圣迭戈开幕，将持续一星期展览漫画书籍，科幻小说，视频游戏和其他一些计划生育的物品。

"Newspaper circulation has fallen to a new low and they say they are becoming obsolete. To give you an idea of how bad it is, today I saw a guy sleeping on a park bench with an iPad on his face." –Jay Leno

报纸的发行量创下历史新低，很多人认为报纸将被淘汰，我亲身体验到这个趋势了，今天公园里我看到一个人用iPad挡着脸在睡觉。

"Starbucks’ profits went up 37 percent in the third quarter of this year. They say they owe the increase to their new strategy of opening a Starbucks inside an existing Starbucks." –Jimmy Fallon

星巴克今年第三季度利润增长37%，主要归功于他们的新战略：在星巴克店里再开一家新的星巴克店。

"Facebook now has 500 million users. The previous record holder was heroin." –Jimmy Kimmel

Facebook现在有5亿使用者，原纪录保持者是海洛因。

"Facebook now has more than 500 million users, which may help explain why unemployment is around 10 percent." –Jimmy Kimmel

Facebook现在有5亿用户，这解释了为什么失业率在10%左右。

"Have you guys seen this show ‘White House Apprentice?’ It’s a lot like the other ‘Apprentice,’ but on this one, when the boss fires you, he offers you your job back a day later." –Jay Leno

你们看了白宫版“学徒”吗？跟别的“学徒”不一样，在白宫版里，老板解雇你后，第二天他会给你另一份工作。