“麦孔这个球几乎是零度角射门，88年欧洲杯范巴斯滕曾经打入一个经典的零度角射门，但实际上麦孔今天这个球比巴斯滕的角度还小，守门员李明国明显是判断失误，以为麦孔会传中。这是麦孔的第一届世界杯，第一个世界杯入球就如此精彩，是一个值得铭记的时刻。足球场上，偶尔会出现角球直接破门，那是最接近零度角的射门，但还不是严格意义的0度，我们可以算一算，标准足球场宽度是64-75米，角球直接射门一般是挂后角入网，这样从角球点到入网处大概是37米距离，而角球区是一段半径为1米的1/4圆弧，假设球员把球放到角球区的中间，这样球心据底线距离大概是0.5米，先看这个球，巴斯托斯这脚远射，门将脱手了，后卫赶紧破坏，巴斯托斯这场比赛表现的非常不错。继续刚才零度角的话题，我们可以算出射门角度的正切值大概为0.5除以37，约等于0.0135，我现在手头没有计算器，但根据微积分学里的泰勒公式可以推出，当角度非常小时，正切值约等于角度值，也就是说角度也大约为0.0135，但是这个值的单位是弧度，一弧度约等于180除以pi角度，众所周知pi的值大约为3.14，这样0.0135弧度大约等于，0.0135乘以180再除以3.14，我用这个赛前拿到的首发名单纸边上的空白处简单计算了一下，大概为0.77度，也就是说角球直接罚进的话，在理论上，射门角度不到1度，而正面射门的角度为90度，大家可以想象一下角球直接破门的难度。我们继续看比赛，朝鲜队把球交给郑大世。。。。。”

听说了吗，奥巴马说他妻子提议圣诞节不互相买礼物了，总统先生，这是个套啊，千万别上当，别信女人这么说，赶快买个礼物吧，否则，医保计划甭想通过了。

“President Obama took his daughters to see the 3-D version of ‘Avatar.’ There was an awkward moment when one of Obama’s daughters leaned over to him and whispered, ‘Now, that’s how you spend half a billion dollars.’” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马带女儿去看阿凡达，期间他女儿说了一句话让奥巴马很尴尬：看，十亿美金是这么花的。

"Today, President Obama honored more than 80 teachers for excellence in math and science. Then he begged them to leave China and come teach here in the United States." -Conan O’Brien

今天，奥巴马表彰了80位数学和科学方面的优秀教师，并请求他们离开中国来美国教课。

"Hosting ‘The Tonight Show’ has been the fulfillment of a life-long dream for me. And I just want to say to the kids out their watching, you can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too."

主持今夜秀实现了我一生的梦想，我只想对电视机前的孩子们说，只要努力，一切梦想都会实现——除非Jay也有同样的梦想。

"There’s a rumor that NBC is so upset with me that want to keep me off the air for three years. My response to that is if NBC doesn’t want people to see me, just leave me on NBC." -Conan O’Brien

据传NBC很生气，有可能封杀我三年，不让我露脸，我的态度是，要是不想让观众看到我，就让我继续在NBC出现就行了。

Neil Patrick Harris

就是How I met your mother的Barney

Quote  

I’m trying to figure out what to buy my dad for Christmas. It’s between a subscription to Sports Illustrated or an Illinois Senate Seat. (Tim Hunter)

我在想该给爸爸买个什么圣诞礼物呢，是体育画报还是伊利诺伊州州长职位呢？

“Speaking of Senate seats, this morning, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested by the FBI because he was trying to sell the Senate seat being vacated by Barack Obama. Blagojevich says he’s sorry he tried to sell the seat and extremely sorry he did it on Craigslist. (Conan O’Brien)

People close to the case talked about Blagojevich. They said that he was willing to do anything for money. That’s why he was going to sell the Senate seat. See, that is so wrong. You know, in this country — let me tell you something. If you want money, you do what everybody else does, okay? You go to Congress and you demand a bailout. That’s what we do. (Jay Leno)

A new low in dumb! Governor Blagojevich, you knew you were under investigation and you used your own phone. (Stephen Colbert)

You know what sign Blagojevich was born under? “For sale.” I believe that was the sign. (Jay Leno)

The bad news for Governor Blagojevich is that there’s no chance President Bush will pardon him because Bush can’t even pronounce his name. (Jay Leno)

The economy is so rough that Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich had to accept an I.O.U. bribe. (Alex Kaseberg)

How many people in our studio audience got your seats tonight because you paid off Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich? (Jay Leno)

Ill. Dem. Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder. Suddenly Elliot Spitzer hiring a couple of whores doesn’t sound so bad. (Alex Kaseberg)

Yesterday President-elect Barack Obama called on Illinois Governor Blagojevich to resign. And after hearing this, Blagojevich said, “If he wants to call and talk to me, it’s $4.99 a minute. (Conan O’Brien)

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has been arrested on corruption charges. He will become a very proactive state executive. He will not only fix the roads, but also clean up the side of them. (Alan Ray)

President-elect Barack Obama, today, called for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to resign. Blagojevich said, “I’ll do that if the price is right.” (Conan O’Brien)

Earlier today, President-elect Obama and Vice President-elect Biden met with Al Gore in Chicago to discuss energy and climate change issues. So, you have the greatest speaker of our lifetime, the most boring speaker of our lifetime, and the guy who speaks non-stop for our entire lifetime all together in one room. (Jay Leno)

Barack Obama said that he will not smoke cigarettes while he’s in the Oval Office. He’s kind of a closet smoker. So, he said he wouldn’t smoke. And President Bush actually defended him today. President Bush said he smokes a cigar on rare occasions. He says it helps him think. Apparently it’s a very rare occasion. (Jay Leno)

Barack Obama left liberals empty-handed Tuesday by appointing moderate conservatives to head both Defense and State and then putting a free trader at Commerce. He faked to the left and now he’s going to the right. He studied in Chicago under Walter Payton. (Argus Hamilton)

PRESIDENT BUSH

What’s the difference between Jay Leno and President Bush? Leno has a job next year (Alex Kaseberg)

THE ECONOMY

We’re not kidding about this economy, which is so bad that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich had to mark down the price of a Senate seat 40 percent. (Jay Leno)

The unemployment rate has risen to 6.7 percent in November. It made President Bush really happy until he learned it wasn’t his approval rating. (Pedro Bartes)

A government auditor says there has not been enough oversight for the financial bailout. Of course, if there was any government oversight we wouldn’t need the bailout in the first place. (Jim Barach)

Metal prices have fallen farther than they did during the Depression. The metals most losing their value are nickles, dimes and quarters. (Jim Barach)

THE CONGRESS

Republicans in the Senate are threatening to block the Detroit bailout bill, not so much because they’re opposed to the loan, but because they need to do something to remind the country that Republicans still exist. (Jake Novak)

Hey, bad news for Senator Larry Craig. You know, America’s favorite restroom enthusiast? You know Larry Craig. The court has refused his request to change his guilty plea. Remember, he was charged with soliciting sex from an undercover police officer in an airport men’s room. He wanted the plea changed from “guilty” to just “jiggling the wrong handle. (Jay Leno)

LOCAL NEWS

D.C.’s Department of Consumer and Regulatory Affairs officials say there will be a lottery for street vendors to work around the National mall on Inauguration day. The winners will get to sell Obama memorabilia; the losers, Bush memorabilia. (Pedro Bartes)

ENTERTAINMENT

Golden Globe nominations out today, and Sarah Palin was nominated for one. Her category is Outstanding Comedy Performance in a Presidential Campaign. (David Letterman)

THE MEDIA & THE INTERNET

For the first time after four press conferences, Obama took a question from a black Fox correspondent. It was high time… Fox got a black correspondent. (Pedro Bartes)

In a move that some industry insiders called a game-changer, NBC announced today that it would cancel all of its primetime programs and air a static image of its peacock logo every night between 8 and 10. Some critics questioned whether viewers would tune in to watch a motionless rendering of a bird for two hours every night, but NBC boss Jeff Zucker called it “a perfect lead-in for Leno.” (Andy Borowitz)

A study of 30,000 high school students says that U.S. teens lie, cheat and steal at an alarming rate. At least we know where our next generation of bankers, CEOs and politicians is coming from. (Jim Barach)

Michigan’s Department of Education banned schools from giving students an F in any subject Friday. It’s for the good of the kids. When they are grown up and running the auto companies they’ll have the experience necessary to ask for a bailout. (Argus Hamilton)

According to a new book by a Canadian business professor, procrastination is becoming more and more of a problem in the world. The author promises a solution in his next book . .. which he’ll start writing as soon as he finds some time. (Pedro Bartes)

"President Bush and his lovely wife Laura have purchased a new home in Dallas, Texas, worth $2 million. See, this is where President Bush has outsmarted everybody. People underestimate this guy. Five months ago, you would have had to pay $10 million bucks for that house, but thanks to his economic plan, he got it at a bargain. The man is a genius!" –Jay Leno

布什与劳拉在家乡德州达拉斯买了一栋房子，价值200万美元，看见没，这就是布什比我们聪明的地方。我们都低估了这个人，几个月前，买同样的房子，你得花1000万，但有了经济危机，他低价买入了，真是个天才。

"The Labor Department announced that over 1,100 lawyers lost their jobs last month. Think about it. So lawyers are losing their jobs. … CEOs are being forced to work for a dollar a year. Ann Coulter’s jaw is wired shut. In many ways, this could be the greatest Christmas ever." –Jay Leno

劳工部宣布上个月1100个律师失业。看，律师在失业，CEO正被迫年薪1美元工作，总之，史上最好的一个圣诞节。

“Little bit of history trivia. It was this week, actually yesterday, in 1961, Fidel Castro announced that he was a Marxist and would turn Cuba into a Communist country, where the government would take over all the major industries. Or as we call that today, a bailout.” -Jay Leno

来看看历史上的今天，1961年的这个时候，卡斯特罗宣布他是马克思主义者，要把古巴变成共产主义国家，也就是政府接管主要的工业企业。或者就是我们现在所说的bailout。

“And AIG, you know the insurance company who’s getting over $11 billion of our dollars in bailout money? Well, they announced they’re giving 130 of their executives cash awards of up to $3 million. These are cash awards, not bonuses. They say they are payments to guarantee that their top executives stay with the company. Oh, yeah, God forbid AIG should lose any of these business geniuses. Imagine what kind of shape they’d be in without these people. Again, these are cash awards, not bonuses. So we should send them to jail, not prison, see?” -Jay Leno

AIG，那个保险公司，得到了政府的110亿美元救援。他们宣布奖励130为管理人员300万美金，他们宣称这是现金奖励，不是奖金。是为了保证这些高层不会离开公司，我靠，上帝保佑他们失去这些高管吧，没有他们不至于到今天这地步。既然他们说那是现金奖励，不是奖金。我们应该把他们送到Jail去，不是prison

"President Bush’s economic plan will create 2.5 million new jobs. The bad news, they are all for Iraqi soldiers." —Craig Kilborn

不是的经济计划可以创造250万就业岗位，坏消息是，全是成为驻伊美军。

"According to a new study, bad economic times can actually be good for you because people tend to exercise more and eat better. This is not a recession, this is the Bush Health Care Plan." —Jay Leno

根据最新研究显示，经济萧条也是有好处的，这样就能多锻炼，饮食更加合理。这么说来，这哪里是萧条啊，这简直就是布什健康计划。

"Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neal has resigned. He didn’t want to resign, but there wasn’t any money left in the treasury so he’s got nothing to do." —Jay Leno

财政部长Paul O’Neal 辞职了，他也不想辞职，但是财政部实在是没有钱了，他无事可做。

"The FBI has issued a new terrorist warning that al Qadea may be planning a spectacular attack intended to damage our economy. Well I have news for them, they are a little too late. This is where President Bush is smart. Two years ago he did a pre-emptive strike to make sure our economy couldn’t be any worse than it is right now." —Jay Leno

FBI警告说基地组织可能在策划恐怖袭击，摧毁美国的经济。好消息是，他们晚了，这也是布什聪明的地方。两年前他的政策让如今的经济形势差得不能再差。

"President Bush hosted something called the President’s Economic Forum down in Waco, Texas today. Waco. Apparently Jonestown and Guyana were booked up. When I think of government policy that works, Waco is the place to go. He invited members of small business to the summit. He was going to invite big business, but they’re all in jail." —Jay Leno

布什在德州waco举办了一个经济论坛，邀请了很多小企业主，他本想邀请些大公司的头头的，但他们现在都在监狱里。

"In a speech yesterday in Milwaukee, President Bush vowed to do whatever it takes to keep the economy strong. In fact he said that if he needs to, he will take vacation for another three months." —Jay Leno

在密尔沃基的一个演讲中，布什表示将不惜一切代价挽救经济。实际上，如果实在不行的话，他愿意去再度假三个月。

"President Bush is leaving the White House for a vacation. He’s taking a month off. Yeah, take a break, you deserve it. But aides say that while on vacation, Bush will continue to make two or three speeches a week to make sure that the market keeps crashing." —Jay Leno

布什准备离开白宫去度假，休一个月假，你应得的。但是助手表示休假期间，布什会每周发表两到三次讲话，以确保经济形势持续恶化。

"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are now? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street." —Jay Leno

你知道现在股票价格有多低吗？现在wall street已经被称做Wal-Mart street了。

"The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It’s called the stock market." —Jay Leno

美国发明了一种新型武器，可以摧毁所有人，但是建筑安然无恙，这个武器就叫股票市场。

"Things do not look good. The economy’s gone south, we’re at war, people are out of work. In fact, George Bush Sr. picked up the newspaper and thought, ‘Hey, I must still be president.’" —Jay Leno

什么事情都很糟，经济还在下滑，战争还在继续，国民还在失业。布什看了看报纸，心想，看来现在我还是总统。

Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "The unemploy- ment rate has risen to 6.7 percent in November. It made President Bush really happy until he learned it wasn’t his approval rating."

失业率11月已达6.7%，这让布什很高兴，直到他意识到这不是他的支持率。

刚刚的节目开始，Jay Leno调侃了一下这个关于自己的消息。
“好了好了，我会留下来。之前有传言我将离开NBC，跳槽到ABC，那都是一些心怀不满的员工编出来的
谣言，对，那个员工就是我。小时候妈妈常告诉我，凡事要向前看（go forth），所以我准备留在4频道
（NBC在第4频道）（stay fourth）。秋天开始，晚间10点，这可爽了，NBC晚上
基本就是一个talk show接着一个talk show。（10点是Jay的新show，11：35是Conan的show（原Jay的），12：35
是Jimmy Fallon的show（原Conan的），接着是Last call with Carson Daly，脱口秀4连发，绝对的Late night leader）；
CBS做出了回应，把Letterman的节目放到了9：59（Letterman在CBS的sho时间是11：35，跟Jay现在的一样，多年的竞争对手）。

第一句就是超级双关：You thought I was gone, did’t you?

既代表自己也代表希拉里。Amy Poehler和Tina Fey，真是绝代双娇！

于是传言Jay将前往ABC，这样ABC晚间的脱口秀当家花旦主持Jimmy Kimmel地位就受到了威
胁，传言FOX将接纳Jimmy。

这样几大电视网将出现大范围人员调整。

不过今天传出消息NBC将给Jay Leno提供10点的黄金时间段，想留住他，就看Jay是否接受了。

http://politicalhumor.about.com/b/2008/11/28/the-weeks-best-late-night-jokes-12.htm

“Everyone’s talking about the American auto industry right now. A new study just came out and found that the Ford Motor Company makes the cars with the highest safety rating. Of all the cars, yeah. Yeah, apparently, Ford cars are so safe because they never leave the dealer’s lot.” -Conan O’Brien

每个人都在谈论美国汽车制造业，最新调查显示福特公司生产的车是安全系数最高。这是很显然的，因为他们一直停在经销商的停车场里。

“And this is true, the Big Three automakers are now talking about driving back to Washington in December. Remember the big uproar last week

when they all flew to Washington in private jets? Well, now they’re going to carpool. No, this is true. And to make sure there aren’t any problems, they’re driving a Toyota.” -Jay Leno

这回三巨头的老总再考虑开车去首都，还记得上周他们乘坐私人飞机到华盛顿引起的公愤，这次他们准备拼车回家了，为了保证不出任何问题，他们决定开一辆丰田的车。

“Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, ‘For a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.’ Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats.” -Conan O’Brien

今天，麦凯恩召开了竞选失利后的第一次新闻发布会，他说，对很多人来说，佩林是竞选过程的强心剂。可惜的是，那些人是指民主党人。

"Hillary Clinton is going to be secretary of State in the Obama administration. Well, political insiders are now saying that Barack and Hillary actually have a good working relationship, but they don’t have a close personal relationship. No, wait a minute, that’s Hill and Bill." –David Letterman

希拉里接受了奥巴马政府的国务卿职务。政治分析家说奥巴马和希拉里有很好的工作关系，但是没有很亲密的个人关系，等一下，这是在说克林顿和希拉里吧。

"In political news, it looks like Hillary Clinton accepted Barack Obama’s offer to be secretary of state. Very exciting. She accepted after Barack Obama’s vetting process could not find any link between her and Bill Clinton." –Jay Leno

希拉里接受了国务卿一职，是在奥巴马团队调查发现他和克林顿没有任何关系之后接受的。

"Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, ‘Thank you, Oprah.’" –David Letterman

经济方面终于有了点好消息，奥巴马说他弄到了8000亿来拯救市场，我只想说：太谢谢你了，奥普拉。

"You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It’s bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They’re laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain." –David Letterman

你们感觉到经济的寒冬了吗？形势太差了，大型商店，在这个节日季节，已经没有圣诞老人了。麦凯恩日子更不好过了。

“Last Friday was, of course, Black Friday. And if you had money in the stock market, today is Black Monday. The stock market lost 679 points today. Not even a stock market, that’s a flea market.” -Jay Leno

上周五是黑色星期五，如果你投资股票了电话，今天是黑色星期一，因为股票跌了679点，这哪是股票市场，简直就是跳蚤市场。

“And this week, they will flip the switch on the White House Christmas tree, which has over 25,000 lights on it, one light for every CEO that’s looking for a bailout.” -Jay Leno

本周，白宫的圣诞树将被点亮，树上有二万五千盏灯，每一个代表一个等待政府援助的CEO

“President Bush has less than two months left before he two-steps back to Texas for some serious brush-clearing time. But the president sat down with Charles Gibson of ABC for an interview that aired tonight. Surprisingly, he admitted to some mistakes. He said he was unprepared for how long and how difficult the Iraq war would be, and that he shouldn’t have gone to war based on reports that Iraq had WMDs without first asking what WMD stood for.” -Jimmy Kimmel

布什还有两个月就要下课了，昨晚布什夫妇接受ABC的采访，出乎意料的是，在访谈中他承认了很多错误。布什说没有预料到伊拉克战争会持续这么长时间，情况这么复杂，而且不应该在还不知道什么是大规模杀伤性武器的时候，就根据伊拉克有大规模杀伤性武器的情报发动战争。

“Cold here in New York City today, so cold that Sarah Palin spent $150,000 on mittens.” -David Letterman

纽约真冷啊，冷到佩林花了15万美元买手套。

“Barack Obama says one of his top priorities once he becomes president is closing down Guantanamo Bay. To make sure it closes, he’s going to turn it into a bank.” -Jay Leno

奥巴马说他上任后首要任务就是关闭关塔那摩，为了确保它的关闭，他要先把它变成一个银行。

“The press is calling President-elect Barack Obama the first wired president, ’cause he’s very big on e-mail and the internet and all that kind of stuff. But once he becomes president, he’ll have to give up all personal communication devices because of security concerns. Looks like America is ready for a black president, we’re just not ready for a Blackberry president.” -Jay Leno

媒体称奥巴马为史上第一个“在线”总统，因为他频繁使用E-mail，经常上网。但是他成为总统之后，他所有网上的活动都要停止了。美国已经准备好迎接一位黑人总统了，但是还没有准备好迎接一个“黑莓”总统

“Yesterday was a nice day. Barack Obama’s daughters Malia and Sasha made their first visit to the White House. The girls were excited to see where they’ll be living, and President Bush was excited to finally have somebody to play hide-and-seek with.” -Conan O’Brien

昨天奥巴马的两个女儿参观了白宫，两个小女孩很兴奋，布什也很兴奋，因为他终于盼来了愿意跟他玩捉迷藏的人。

“The Obama transition team has leaked that his top choice for homeland security chief is Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano. Her first job? Find out who leaked her name.” -Jay Leno

据奥巴马团队泄露，国土安全局局长一职将授予亚利桑那州长Janet Napolitano, 她上任后的第一个任务就是找出谁泄露的这条消息。

“Well you know what’s really strange? If she gets this job, she would be the first official to take the job overseeing homeland security working for a guy — if he wasn’t president — whose name would probably be on the no-fly list. ‘Barack Hussein Obama? Yeah, step off to the side, please. Thank you.’” -Jay Leno

你知道最奇怪的是什么吗？她当上局长后，她为奥巴马工作，如果他布不是总统的话，他的名字会在禁飞名单上，Barack Hussein Obama。

“Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama’s offer to become secretary of state. That’s what they’re saying in the New York Times. Yeah, according to Bill Clinton, this is the first time in 20 years that Hillary has said ‘yes.’” -Conan O’Brien

据报道希拉里接收了奥巴马政府的国务卿一职，按照克林顿的说法，这是她20年来第一次说“同意”。

“General Motors announced they are selling two of their private jets. The bad news? They’re being bought by the executives at AIG.” -Jay Leno

好消息是，通用宣称卖掉了两架私人飞机，坏消息是，它们被AIG的总裁买走了。

“U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they’re having a hard time getting people to send rescue money. Here’s what the UN should do: Invest in bad mortgages, run a bank into the ground, give yourself a bonus, get some spa treatments and, in no time, the government will send you $750 billion.” -Jay Leno

联合国宣称他们急需70亿美元救急，但是现在很难找到资金来源。我觉得联合国应该这么干：投资不良抵押贷款，开一家银行，给自己一大笔奖金，享受spa，很快，美国政府就会给你7500亿美元。

“Another good day for the stock market. Up almost 400 points today. Yeah, listen to this. If this keeps up every day for the next three years, we’ll almost be even again.” -Jay Leno

华尔街传来好消息，股票上涨了400点，如果这样持续三年的话，经济就能恢复到原来水平了。

“Obama told reporters that the economy is likely to get worse. After hearing this, John McCain said, ‘That’s funny. He didn’t mention that during the campaign.’” -Conan O’Brien

奥巴马对记者说经济形势很有可能持续恶化。听到此话后，麦凯恩说，这不是搞笑吗？竞选的时候你可从来没说过这样的话。

“Hey, do you believe how much the price of gas has dropped? It’s unbelievable. Given today how far it’s gone down, I saw somebody driving a Prius today without a smug look on their face.” -Jay Leno

你能想象油价下降了多少吗？看看今天的油价，我看到那个开Prius（超级省油的车）的家伙再也不洋洋得意的笑了。

最搞笑的在最后一刻。
 

“I thought this was kind of cute. Senator Barack Obama, President-elect Barack Obama and his wife went on their first date since the election. They actually went on a date, they went out and had dinner. And it is weird, though, when you think about it, don’t you, to have a Democrat in the White House who actually dates his own wife?” -David Letterman

我觉得这事很好玩，奥巴马和他的妻子至大选之后第一次约会，他们共进晚餐。这很不寻常，仔细想想，一个白宫的民主党人在约会自己的妻子（影射克林顿）。

“Historic day at the White House. Earlier today at the White House, you probably saw this, President Bush had a private meeting, in the Oval Office, with President-elect Barack Obama. Ten afterwards, Obama met with Dick Cheney to see how things really work.” -Conan O’Brien

白宫历史性的一天，布什与奥巴马在总统办公室会面，之后，奥巴马跟切尼会面，探讨了一些实质性的问题。

“I don’t know anything about politics, but as soon as Barack Obama shook hands with President Bush, Obama’s ratings went down 10 points.” -David Letterman

我对政治一无所知，但是我知道，只要奥巴马跟布什握手的话，他的支持率会立刻下降10个百分点。

“Egyptian archaeologists have discovered a 4300-year-old pyramid. And I’m thinking, there’s yet another house John McCain forgot about.” -David Letterman

埃及考古学家发现了一个有4300年历史的金字塔，我在想，这是不是麦凯恩的又一处房产呢？

“President Bush briefed Barack Obama on the state of the nation this week. I don’t know that things look bad, but after the briefing, Obama called McCain and said, ‘You still want the job?’” -Jay Leno

布什跟奥巴马简短介绍了一下本周美国的现状，之后，奥巴马给麦凯恩打电话说：“你还想要这个工作吗？”

“During the meeting with President Bush at the White House, President Bush told Barack Obama, even though they make you swear to protect the Constitution, you don’t really have to do it. They can’t do anything to you.” -Jay Leno

与布什在白宫会面期间，布什告诉奥巴马，虽然你要宣誓遵守宪法，但实际上你不必，他们拿你没辙。

“I don’t think President Bush really understands this whole transition thing. Like he said today, he’s glad the Obamas are moving in the day he leaves, because he didn’t want to have to sell the White House in such a down market.” -Jay Leno

我不认为布什理解政权交接这个过程， 就像他今天所说的，很高兴离开的那天奥巴马会搬进来，因为在这个低迷经济环境下白宫卖不了个好价钱。

“I guess after the election last week, Barack Obama took his wife on a date to their favorite Italian restaurant in Chicago. Hear about that? Took his wife out on a date. Yeah. And today Bill Clinton, John Edwards and Eliot Spitzer called him a new kind of Democrat.” -Jay Leno

上周大选结束之后，奥巴马带妻子去了他们最爱的芝加哥的一家意大利餐馆，看，带自己的妻子去。今天克林顿，爱德华兹和Eliot Spitzer（纽约州长）称奥巴马为一个新型的民主党人。

“Cuba’s Raul Castro is going to visit Russia next year, to which President Bush said, man, how long is that raft trip going to take?” -Jay Leno

古巴领导人卡斯特罗的弟弟准备明年出访俄罗斯，布什听说后问，天啊，那木筏得划多远啊。

“And at one point during this meeting, Joe Biden turns to Cheney and he says, ‘Dick, tell me, what is it like being second-in-command?’ And Cheney said: ‘Hell, I don’t know. Ask Bush.’” -David Letterman

会面期间，拜登问切尼：告诉我，当二把手到底是什么感觉呢？切尼说，我不知道，你问布什吧。

http://politicalirony.com/2008/11/13/late-night-political-humor-47/

“The effects of the Barack Obama election win are still reverberating throughout the country. A lot of pride in the African-American community. Have you noticed that? And listen to the latest rumor. You hear about this? … Michael Jackson now considering going back to being a black guy.” -Jay Leno

奥巴马的胜利余波还在席卷这个国家，非裔美国人非常自豪，最新的传言说迈克尔杰克要做回黑人了。

“Did you see Obama’s news conference today? Wow. I have to say, nice to see adults back in charge of government. The White House press corps, you could tell, they were ecstatic. It’s been years since they’ve heard a complete sentence.” -Bill Maher

你们看了奥巴马的新闻发布会吗？我必须要说，政府终于由成年人来掌管了。长期采访白宫发布会的记者都感到惊喜，因为他们已经很多年没有听到完整的句子了。

“This was actually in the paper today, that both parties are already preparing for 2012. Isn’t that unbelievable? But I was thinking, it’s going to be tough for Barack Obama to come up with a campaign slogan for 2012. I mean, what’s it gonna be? ‘Don’t change, everything’s fine, don’t change anything, keep it exactly the same!’” -Jay Leno

有报道说，民主共和两党已经开始着手2012年的大选了，太难以置信了。但是我想的是，奥巴马有难题了，他该怎么选择2012竞选口号呢？不要改变，一切都很好，让我们维持原样吧。

“Obama said his favorite part of the tour was when the president showed him the secret dial under his desk that he uses to control the price of gasoline.” -Jimmy Kimmel

奥巴马说，最好玩的是布什给他展示的，藏在他办公桌下面的秘密按钮，用来控制油价的。

“It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yeah, this is expected to be the first time Barack uses his veto power.” -Conan O’Brien

有报道说米雪.奥巴马想让她母亲也住到白宫，可以预见，这将是奥巴马第一次使用否决权。

“And Barack Obama is being very deferential to President Bush. Obama said last week, ‘The United States can only have one president.’ To which Bush said, ‘Hey, that’s not what Cheney told me.” -Jay Leno

奥巴马对不是非常恭敬，上周还说，美国只有一位总统，布什听后说：切尼可不是这么告诉我的。

“Actually, Governor Palin is continuing to defend herself about that clothes issue. She says she has never even stepped foot in a Neiman Marcus. In fact, she thought Neiman Marcus was the president of the Philippines.” -Jay Leno

实际上，佩林还在为巨资购买衣服的事情辩解，她说她从来没去过Neiman Marcus店。实际上他以为Neiman Marcus是菲律宾总统的名字。

“In the Senate, 90-year-old Robert Byrd will step down as Appropriations Committee chair. He’ll be replaced by Hawaiian Senator Daniel Inouye, who is 84. Finally we’re getting some young blood in there.” -Jay Leno

参议院拨款委员会主席，90岁的Robert Byrd退休了，接替者是84岁的夏威夷议员Daniel Inouye，我们终于有了些年轻人。

"Alaska seems to have re-elected Senator Ted Stevens, who is 84 and going to prison. What is up with Alaska? I have a feeling, when a moose gets shot up there, his last thought is, ‘I can’t believe I’m losing to these a**holes’" –Bill Maher

阿拉斯加重新选出了议员Ted Stevens，84岁而且要进监狱了。阿拉斯加到底怎么了？我有一种感觉，就是当一个麋鹿被射中的时候，它最后的念头是：我居然输给了这帮XX。

"Well, according to a new post-election survey, people want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. It says she’s been getting thousands of calls from people pleading with her to run, all Democrats." –Jay Leno

根据最新民调显示，很多人希望佩林竞选2012年总统，据说上千人打电话支持她竞选，全是民主党人。

Friday November 21, 2008

"It looks like Hillary Clinton might be Barack Obama’s secretary of state. The secretary of state travels all over the world meeting with foreign leaders sometimes spending months away from his or her spouse. But that’s just the sacrifice Bill is willing to make." –Jimmy Kimmel

看起来希拉里会成为奥巴马政府的国务卿。国务卿的工作主要是成天周游世界跟各国领导人会面，有时候会几个月不回家。但是克林顿表示非常乐意做出这个牺牲。

"President-elect Obama met with former political rival John McCain. Both men said it was a relief to put their differences aside, sit down, and really make fun of Sarah Palin." –Conan O’Brien

奥巴马和麦凯恩会面，两人均表示，能够搁置双方的不同之处，坐下来，真正的嘲笑一下佩林，是多么自在的一件事啊。

"Senator McCain and President-elect Barack Obama met, got together and had a nice visit. And Barack Obama thanked McCain for choosing that nutty Alaskan chick. And then Barack Obama said to McCain, ‘Hey, I’m catching up with you. I just got a second home.’" –David Letterman

奥巴马与麦凯恩会面，气氛非常融洽。奥巴马感谢麦凯恩选择了一个来自阿拉斯加的花瓶作为竞选搭档，此外，奥巴马表示，我正在赶上你，我刚刚有了第二套住房。

"Oprah Winfrey just announced that she’s planning to attend Barack Obama’s inauguration. Oprah says she’s very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world." –Conan O’Brien

奥普拉宣布将参加奥巴马的就职仪式，她说，非常高兴看到奥巴马成为世界上第二有名的人。

"Dick Cheney gave Joe Biden tour of the vice president’s living quarters. Yeah, afterwards, Biden said he loves the house, but he’ll probably turn the dungeon back into a rec room." –Conan O’Brien

切尼带着拜登游览了副总统的生活住处，之后，拜登表示非常喜欢这个地方，除了那个地牢，希望能改成娱乐室。

"Rumor is that General Motors will run out of money very soon, unless the government helps them out with a bailout. Isn’t that amazing? I mean, all those times a car salesman told you he was losing money on the deal, he wasn’t lying." — Jay Leno

有传言说通用快要亏损破产了，除非政府能出钱相助，多么有意思啊，一直以来汽车销售员不停地说这个价格卖给你是赔钱的，原来是真的。

"President-elect Obama is meeting every day with his transition team, or in Beltway lingo, his trannies. They are helping him pick who will be in his new government. Over 7,000 presidential appointments are up for grabs. The Obama administration is making history once again by being the only place in America that is currently hiring." –Stephen Colbert

奥巴马每天都忙着选择新政府的官员，共有7000个职位，这是历史上第一次，在美国境内只有一个地方在招人

"Executives of General Motors, Ford and Chrysler testified on Capitol Hill, trying to get a $25 billion loan. President Bush was against the loan until Dick Cheney whispered in his ear, ‘Cars use oil.’" –Jay Leno



通用，福特和克莱斯勒的总裁在国会山游说，希望能得到250亿美元的援助。布什起初反对这个提议，后来切尼告诉他：“汽车消耗汽油的”。（布什就同意了）

"The auto executives for the Big Three are being criticized now, because, before they asked Congress for billions of dollars, they all flew to Washington in private jets. Yeah, separately, in private jets. In their defense, the executives said, ‘We would have driven, but our cars only get three miles to the gallon.’" –Conan O’Brien

三大汽车公司的总裁受到非议，因为他们分别乘坐自己的私人飞机到华盛顿去乞求援助。他们辩解说：我们是想开汽车来了，但是我们造的汽车每加仑汽油只能跑3 miles。
"Officials in Missouri have finally finished counting the presidential ballots, and they say that John McCain won that state. As a result, Sarah Palin now thinks she’s the Vice President of Missouri." –Conan O’Brien


密苏里州统计好了总统选票，结果是麦凯恩赢了这个州，于是佩林以为她是密苏里的副州长了。

"President Bush has exactly two months left in office. His team is already hard at work packing his Legos for the long move back to Texas." –Jimmy Kimmel

布什就剩两个月任期了，他的团队已经开始整理他的乐高积木，准备运回德州。