“Everyone’s talking about the American auto industry right now. A new study just came out and found that the Ford Motor Company makes the cars with the highest safety rating. Of all the cars, yeah. Yeah, apparently, Ford cars are so safe because they never leave the dealer’s lot.” -Conan O’Brien
每个人都在谈论美国汽车制造业，最新调查显示福特公司生产的车是安全系数最高。这是很显然的，因为他们一直停在经销商的停车场里。
“And this is true, the Big Three automakers are now talking about driving back to Washington in December. Remember the big uproar last week
when they all flew to Washington in private jets? Well, now they’re going to carpool. No, this is true. And to make sure there aren’t any problems, they’re driving a Toyota.” -Jay Leno
这回三巨头的老总再考虑开车去首都，还记得上周他们乘坐私人飞机到华盛顿引起的公愤，这次他们准备拼车回家了，为了保证不出任何问题，他们决定开一辆丰田的车。
“Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, ‘For a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.’ Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats.” -Conan O’Brien
今天，麦凯恩召开了竞选失利后的第一次新闻发布会，他说，对很多人来说，佩林是竞选过程的强心剂。可惜的是，那些人是指民主党人。
"Hillary Clinton is going to be secretary of State in the Obama administration. Well, political insiders are now saying that Barack and Hillary actually have a good working relationship, but they don’t have a close personal relationship. No, wait a minute, that’s Hill and Bill." –David Letterman
希拉里接受了奥巴马政府的国务卿职务。政治分析家说奥巴马和希拉里有很好的工作关系，但是没有很亲密的个人关系，等一下，这是在说克林顿和希拉里吧。
"In political news, it looks like Hillary Clinton accepted Barack Obama’s offer to be secretary of state. Very exciting. She accepted after Barack Obama’s vetting process could not find any link between her and Bill Clinton." –Jay Leno
希拉里接受了国务卿一职，是在奥巴马团队调查发现他和克林顿没有任何关系之后接受的。
"Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, ‘Thank you, Oprah.’" –David Letterman
经济方面终于有了点好消息，奥巴马说他弄到了8000亿来拯救市场，我只想说：太谢谢你了，奥普拉。
"You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It’s bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They’re laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain." –David Letterman
你们感觉到经济的寒冬了吗？形势太差了，大型商店，在这个节日季节，已经没有圣诞老人了。麦凯恩日子更不好过了。
“Last Friday was, of course, Black Friday. And if you had money in the stock market, today is Black Monday. The stock market lost 679 points today. Not even a stock market, that’s a flea market.” -Jay Leno
上周五是黑色星期五，如果你投资股票了电话，今天是黑色星期一，因为股票跌了679点，这哪是股票市场，简直就是跳蚤市场。
“And this week, they will flip the switch on the White House Christmas tree, which has over 25,000 lights on it, one light for every CEO that’s looking for a bailout.” -Jay Leno
本周，白宫的圣诞树将被点亮，树上有二万五千盏灯，每一个代表一个等待政府援助的CEO
“President Bush has less than two months left before he two-steps back to Texas for some serious brush-clearing time. But the president sat down with Charles Gibson of ABC for an interview that aired tonight. Surprisingly, he admitted to some mistakes. He said he was unprepared for how long and how difficult the Iraq war would be, and that he shouldn’t have gone to war based on reports that Iraq had WMDs without first asking what WMD stood for.” -Jimmy Kimmel
布什还有两个月就要下课了，昨晚布什夫妇接受ABC的采访，出乎意料的是，在访谈中他承认了很多错误。布什说没有预料到伊拉克战争会持续这么长时间，情况这么复杂，而且不应该在还不知道什么是大规模杀伤性武器的时候，就根据伊拉克有大规模杀伤性武器的情报发动战争。
（Letterman在CBS的sho时间是11：35，跟Jay现在的一样，多年的竞争对手）。
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