到哪里都是主场

In a new interview, Bill Gates said that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg is engaged. But when pressed for more info, Gates just froze and had to be rebooted. –Jimmy Fallon

在最近一次采访中，比尔盖茨说Facebook的创始人扎克伯格已经订婚了。不过当被问到更多细节时，盖茨突然僵住了，必须得重启一次。

"During the GOP debate, Herman Cain was asked if he likes deep dish or thin crust pizza. Then Newt Gingrich interrupted and said, ‘Wait, there’s pizza?’" –Conan O’Brien

在共和党候选人电视辩论中，赫尔曼被问到是喜欢薄披萨还是厚披萨。金里奇打断问话：等一下，这儿有披萨？

"According to the latest survey on the economy, 48 percent of the people surveyed think we’ll have a great depression. The other 52 percent think it will just be a pretty good depression." –Jay Leno

根据最新的经济形势民调，48%的人认为这将是一个大萧条。其余52%的人认为这将是个一般的萧条。

Alabama just passed a tough immigration law that requires schools to find out if students are in the country illegally. Fortunately, schools know what to look for when identifying foreign students: high test scores. –Jimmy Fallon

阿拉巴马州通过了最严格的移民法律，要求学校找出非法滞留的学生。幸运的是，学校知道如何找出外国学生：考试得分高的那些人。

"According to a new report, only 12 percent of American high school students can pass a basic history test. That’s the lowest percentage since our country was founded in 1922." –Jay Leno

根据一份调查，只有12%的美国高中生能够通过一个基础的历史测试。这是自1922年建国以来的最低值。

Father’s Day is different in Beverly Hills. Kids have to buy presents for their biological father, their stepfather, and their surrogate father. –Jay Leno

在好莱坞父亲节与别的地方不一样。孩子们不仅要给亲生父亲买礼物，还要给继父，养父买礼物。

Gas prices have come down just in time for summer vacation. That’s how the gas companies get you. Once you’re 300 miles from home, they jack up the prices again. –Jay Leno

油价开始下降了，正好赶在暑假的时候。这就是石油公司的策略，当你从300英里外度假归来的时候，他们再提高油价。

"Officials still can’t say what happened to $6.6 billion that was sent to Iraq for reconstruction. That’s money we could have wasted and mismanaged right here at home." –Jay Leno

官方还是没有说明我们用于伊拉克重建的66亿美元化到了哪里。这些钱本来可以被我们自己浪费滥用的。

"Defense Secretary Robert Gates says that Al Qaeda’s new leader will be hunted down and killed just like bin Laden. They think he may be in Pakistan. They know that because Pakistan says they have no idea where he is." –Jay Leno

国防部长盖茨说基地的新头目也将像拉登那样被击毙。也许他在巴基斯坦，因为巴基斯坦说不知道他在哪。

"Today bin Laden’s deputy was made head of Al Qaeda. I know because today he updated his status on LinkedIn." –Jimmy Fallon

今天本拉登的高级助理被任命为基地组织新头目。我知道这个消息是因为他在LinkedIn更改了状态。

"Congressman Anthony Weiner has just checked himself into a treatment centre for people battling chronic sexual dysfunction. Checked in? He’s already there, it’s called Congress." –Jay Leno

议员安东尼维纳最近注册了一个治疗性功能障碍的诊疗所。注册？他早就在那里了，叫做国会。

People are bidding for a private lunch with Warren Buffett. So far, the bidding has reached $2 million. Buffett says the first financial tip he’ll give the winner is, “Try not to spend $2 million on lunch.” –Conan O’Brien

大家在竞拍与巴菲特共进午餐的机会，出价已经到了200万美元。巴菲特他将给出的第一条建议就是：不要在一顿午餐上花200万美元。

"A new study found that being bored can be good for your brain. Which explains that new campaign slogan, ‘Mitt Romney: I’m Good For Your Brain.’" –Jimmy Fallon

一个新的研究显示，感觉无聊对大脑有益。这解释了罗姆尼的新竞选口号：我对你大脑有益。

"What?! The congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement? A patent violation?" –Jon Stewart on Anthony Weiner calling to apologize to Bill Clinton, who officiated at his wedding

什么？议员因为性丑闻向克林顿道歉。为什么，侵犯版权吗？

"There’s a heat wave over half of the country. It got so hot in New York, a congressman took off his pants and tweeted a picture of himself." –Jimmy Kimmel

热浪席卷全美国。纽约温度如此之高，以至于一个议员脱掉了裤子，上传了自己一张裸照。

"President Obama has offered bailout money to keep Greece from defaulting on its loans. Yeah, when Greece thanked him, Obama was like, ‘Don’t mention it . . . to China, because it’s their money.’" –Jimmy Fallon

奥巴马为希腊提供了救市基金。希腊人感谢奥巴马，奥巴马说，不要谢我，要谢中国，都是他们的钱。

"Democrats and Republicans are calling for Congressman Anthony Weiner to resign. Late night comedians are asking him to hang in there." –Conan O’Brien

民主党和共和党都在呼吁议员维纳辞职。晚间脱口秀主持人们请求维纳留下。

"TMZ published a photo of Anthony Weiner in the congressional gym. When he heard about it, Newt Gingrich said, ‘There’s a congressional gym?’" –Conan O’Brien

八卦网站公布了维纳在国会健身房的照片。金里奇听说后问：国会还有健身房？

"The economy is so bad that bedbugs are now infesting sleeping bags and tents, because they can’t afford to stay in hotels anymore." –Jay Leno

经济如此低迷，以至于臭虫都开始侵袭睡袋和帐篷了，因为它们已经住不起旅馆了。

How about that Congressman Weiner? This is the worst congressional scandal all week." –David Letterman

安东尼维纳的丑闻是本周最严重的议员丑闻。