听说了吗，奥巴马说他妻子提议圣诞节不互相买礼物了，总统先生，这是个套啊，千万别上当，别信女人这么说，赶快买个礼物吧，否则，医保计划甭想通过了。

“President Obama took his daughters to see the 3-D version of ‘Avatar.’ There was an awkward moment when one of Obama’s daughters leaned over to him and whispered, ‘Now, that’s how you spend half a billion dollars.’” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马带女儿去看阿凡达，期间他女儿说了一句话让奥巴马很尴尬：看，十亿美金是这么花的。

"Today, President Obama honored more than 80 teachers for excellence in math and science. Then he begged them to leave China and come teach here in the United States." -Conan O’Brien

今天，奥巴马表彰了80位数学和科学方面的优秀教师，并请求他们离开中国来美国教课。

"Hosting ‘The Tonight Show’ has been the fulfillment of a life-long dream for me. And I just want to say to the kids out their watching, you can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too."

主持今夜秀实现了我一生的梦想，我只想对电视机前的孩子们说，只要努力，一切梦想都会实现——除非Jay也有同样的梦想。

"There’s a rumor that NBC is so upset with me that want to keep me off the air for three years. My response to that is if NBC doesn’t want people to see me, just leave me on NBC." -Conan O’Brien

据传NBC很生气，有可能封杀我三年，不让我露脸，我的态度是，要是不想让观众看到我，就让我继续在NBC出现就行了。

04年9月  ：Jay Leno宣布将于09年退休，NBC任命Conan继任Tonigh Show。

07年10月：Jay犹豫自己的退休决定，暗示将会换个电视台继续主持一档脱口秀。

08年5月  ：Jimmy Fallon被任命为Conan的Late Night的接班人。

08年7月  ：NBC正式宣布Jay将于09年夏离任，Conan将搬到洛杉矶入驻Tonight Show

08年夏    ：关于Jay的下家，流言四起，ABC还是FOX，去拉斯维加斯赌场开个人脱口秀场还是回家养老。

08年12月：NBC宣布Jay留下，将主持10点档的一个新show。

09年2月  ：Andy加入Tonight Show，与Conan重新搭档。

09年3月  ：Jimmy主持的Late Night Show首播。

09年5月  ：Jay告别Tonight Show。

09年6月  ：Tonight Show with Conan开播。

09年9月  ：10点档的Jay Leno Show开播。

10年1月7日: 有传闻Jay Leno Show因为收视将离开10点档。

10年1月8日: 传闻变为现实，NBC宣布Jay的节目回归11：35，Conan的Tonight Show延迟到12：05。

10年1月13日：Conan宣布宁可不干了也不接受时间推迟。

10年1月14日：传闻NBC将赶走Conan，Jay回归Tonight Show

10年1月18日：Conan和NBC达成协议，Conan离开NBC。

10年1月23日：Conan的Tonight Show最后一集。

嘿嘿，特拉华大学发现了1808年托马斯杰弗逊写的一封信，那是一封私人信件，内容是感谢麦凯恩在1804年大选中给予的支持。

“It’s a great day for President Barack Obama. He accepted a Nobel Peace Prize in Norway. I don’t want to say this Obama love is out of control, but his acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize just won a Pulitzer Prize, and his overall performance has just won an Oscar.” – Craig Ferguson

奥巴马的大日子，他接受了诺贝尔和平奖，他的致谢演讲稿获得了普利策奖，他整个的演说获得了奥斯卡奖。

“According to a new poll that just came out, 44 percent of Americans wish President Bush were back in office. However it’s only 20 percent if you exclude comedy writers.” – Conan O’Brien

根据最新民调，44%的美国人希望布什归来，不过，要是刨去喜剧编剧，只有20%

Last night, Fox commentator Bill O’Reilly said that President Obama’s speech was “no Gettysburg address.” When he heard this, Larry King said: “How would you know? I don’t remember seeing you there.”

昨晚，Bill O’Reilly说奥巴马的演讲没有“葛底士堡”范，拉里金听说后：你咋知道的，当时我可没看见你在场。

Time magazine plans to announce its “Person of the Year” next week. And top contenders include President Obama and Steve Jobs. The other top contender? The one guy who still reads Time magazine.

时代杂志在评选今年的年度人物，呼声较高的有奥巴马，乔布斯，和还在看时代杂志的那个人。

A California congressman named Joe Baca has announced he’s no longer pursuing legislation that would have given Tiger the Congressional Gold Medal. He released a statement saying, “In light of the fact that Tiger has comported himself in a manner utterly lacking in character, dignity, and ethical integrity, I am withdrawing Tiger Woods from consideration for the Congressional Gold Medal and instead I’m recommending that he run for Congress.”

一个加利福尼亚议员宣布不再提名泰格伍兹“议会金质奖章”，因为泰格伍兹最近的表现缺乏起码的道德，自尊，就不提名他获奖了，但是——我提名他参选议员。

“Hey, listen to this. According to The New York Times, the Secret Service agents responsible for letting those party crashers sneak into the White House have now been placed on leave. And today, the party crashers felt so bad for them, they called and said, ‘Listen, we know how you can get back in.’” -Jay Leno

据纽约时报报道，白宫保安因为最近闯入那对夫妇的事被辞退了，那对夫妇感到很不好意思：我知道怎么能帮你们回到白宫。

1994年美国报界评出十大最离奇的新闻。

其中一件新闻是这样的： 这一年的3月23日，纽约警察总局的法医检查了一具尸体，
得出结论：此人死于头部枪击。

死者名叫罗纳德·奥普斯，从他留下的遗书中得知，他本来是想从一幢十层高的楼的顶 部跳下自杀的。
然而，当他跳楼后身子经过第九层楼前时，一颗子弹从窗户里射出，将他当场打死。

警方经过调查发现，死者和开枪的人都不知道一个情况———当时八楼正在施工，工人 们在那里刚装了一张安全网，也就是说罗纳德·奥普斯如果不是被枪击而亡，他的自杀计 划其实是不能如愿的。

然而，根据法律，一般说来，一个人如果实施有计划的自杀并且最终身亡了，即使自 杀过程发生变化未能如自杀者所愿，那么依法也应该认定这个人是自杀。

可是，当警方对九楼射出的子弹进行调查后，案子的性质又有了变化。 当时，九楼的 一对老夫妻发生了口角，正在吵架，老先生拿出了一把枪恐吓老太太，后来又扣动了 扳机，但是子弹没有打中老太太，而是从窗户飞了出去击中了罗纳德·奥普斯。

根据法律，一个人如果想杀甲，却错杀了乙，那么仍然应该判这个人对乙犯了杀人罪。因此，此案应该是一桩凶杀案。 当老先生面临杀人罪的指控时，老先生和老太太都一致表示，他们俩当时都以为枪里 面是没有子弹的。老先生解释说，用没有装子弹的枪恐吓老太太，是他许多年以来与 老伴争吵时一直有的一种做法。他没有杀害老伴的意图。如果老两口的话属实，那么 这就是一起误杀的案子。

问题的关键就是子弹是在什么样的情况下由什么人装进去的。警方在调查中找到了一 名证人，这名证人证明在案发六周之前亲眼看到这对老夫妻的儿子往这把枪里面装了子弹。警方从更深入的调查中得知，因为老太太决定停止给成年的儿子经济支持，这个儿子怀恨在心，起了杀意。他知道他的父亲有用枪恐吓老太太的习惯，所以就给枪 装了子弹，希望借父亲之手杀了母亲。

既然这个儿子明知给枪装子弹会有什么样的后果，那么即使他没有亲自扣动扳机，他也应该被指控犯了杀人罪。 所以，此案就成了 老夫妻的儿子对罗纳德·奥普斯犯下了杀人罪。

但是，峰回路转，警方在进一步调查后发现，这对老夫妻的儿子其实就是死者罗纳 德·奥普斯本人。
他由于借刀杀人之计一直没有得逞，心生沮丧，于是，在1994年3月 23日这一天他决定从十层高的楼顶跳楼自杀，然而却被从九楼窗户射出的子弹打死了。

也就是说，罗纳德·奥普斯自己杀了自己，所以此案最后仍被认定为是一桩自杀案

都是从我twitter复制过来的。

• Paul Erdos(保罗埃多士或保罗埃尔德什），1913年3月26日－1996年9月20日。匈牙利人，数学史上最高产作家。20世纪最天才最诡异的数学家。
• 一生发表1475篇论文，485位合作者。史上第二高产数学家是欧拉。
• 传说中的Erdos number（埃尔德什数）是指：埃尔德什的埃尔德什数为0，与他直接合作写论文的人的埃尔德什数为1，与埃尔德什数为1的人合写论文的人埃尔德什数为2，依此类推。
• Erdos管小孩叫epsilon，数学里习惯用希腊字母epsilon表示很小的数。
• 1930年代，Erdos经常跟一英国数学家在公共场合研究数学，两人相对无语凝视可达一个多小时，最后那人说：“不是0，应该是1”。紧张气氛瞬间化解，围观群众纷纷侧目。
• Erdos一辈子无妻无子，全部时间都用在数学上，他的所有行李可以放在一个旅行箱里。爱好旅行，足迹踏过25个国家，4大洲，全部是为了找当地的数学家一起合作研究数学。
• Erdos工作方式是：来到一个数学家门前，吼一声，我的大脑敞开了，于是开始没日没夜的合作研究，直到他累了或者主人受不了了，然后他启程去找另一个数学家。
• Erdos活了83岁，3岁开始搞数学，一生发了1475篇paper，全部都是有分量的，很多是经典。70多岁时还有一年发了50多篇，成功证明了数学并不只是年轻人的事业。
• Erdos为保持工作活力，喝超浓咖啡，宣称：数学家是把咖啡变成数学定理的机器。
• 亲朋好友劝Erdos休息放松一下，他说了那句经典：生前何必贪睡，死后必定长眠。
• 一次在新泽西吃早晨的时候Erdos突然想起来要与一个数学家分享一个idea，立刻拿起电话就拨，朋友摁住他说，现在西海岸才凌晨5点啊，Erdos说那正好，他肯定在家。

Jerry想要重新回到律师事务所工作，合伙人Shirley问她为什么

Jerry曾经是这里的律师，后来离开在别的地方工作了一段时间。

但是他患有严重的心理疾病，不善与人交流，当时在这里不受欢迎

因为性格原因没有成为合伙人，Jerry一时冲动持刀威胁Shirley。

Jerry开始陈述自己想回来的原因。

在其他律师事务所

而在这里

Denny是这里的大头头，患有疯牛病，记忆力不好

Brad原来是海军

Alan是帮Jerry最多的人，也是BL的男主角

Jerry的症状之一就是喜欢把手贴在大腿上

白宫和参议院的民主党人正在制定一个新的制造工作岗位的计划，白宫说新的计划能够比原来的计划产生多一倍的“假”工作。
“And The Washington Post suggested today that this party-crashing couple may have a long history of deceiving people. Well, no wonder they fit in at the White House.” – Jay Leno

华盛顿邮报说那对混进白宫的夫妇是惯犯，他俩经常欺骗别人。怪不得呢，白宫太适合他俩了。
“It’s been reported that President Obama’s speech on Tuesday about Afghanistan helped give NBC its best ratings in a long time. So look out this spring for NBC’s new shows, ‘Afghanistan’s Got Talent,’ ‘Law & Order: Kabul,’ and ‘The Tonight Show With Hamid O’Karzai.’” – Conan O’Brien

据报道奥巴马周二在关于阿富汗政策的演讲给NBC带来了多年未见的高收视率，看着吧，明年春天NBC将会有以下新剧：《阿富汗达人》，《法律与秩序：喀布尔》，《卡尔扎伊今夜秀》。
“This week, America’s last living World War I veteran — a man named Frank Buckles, 108 years old — he said he would like to see a memorial in Washington, D.C. You know, when he gets back from Afghanistan.” – Jay Leno

本周美国最后一个一战幸存老兵，Frank Buckles，108岁了，希望能看到在首都的纪念一战老兵活动，当然，那得等到他从阿富汗服役归来。
“Police in Texas seized thousands of ecstasy tablets with pictures of Obama’s face on them. Drug dealers chose Obama because the pills make you feel hope and change and then send you off to a faraway place.” – Craig Ferguson

德州警察发现了上千片带有奥巴马头像的小药片，毒贩选择奥巴马因为吃了这种药片能让人产生希望，感觉有所改变，然后被送到千里之外。

This Friday, the official Christmas tree was delivered to the White House. Unfortunately, the Secret Service had already let in three other trees that claimed they were on the list.

本周五，官方的圣诞树被送抵白宫，不幸的是，安保人员已经让三个自称是官方的圣诞树进去了。

Of course you’ve been hearing about them, the couple who crashed the White House state dinner. They were supposed to be on “Larry King Live” tonight, but they canceled their appearance. Apparently, they didn’t feel right showing up to a place where they were actually invited.

听说了吧，混入白宫的那对夫妇今晚应该上拉里金节目的，但是他俩取消了，原因是他们不习惯出现在被邀请可以出现的地方。

再看一些算术运算的例子：

再看一些比较运算：
= 用来表示相等，如果参数都相等则返回T，否则返回nil
(= 1 1) ==> T
(= 10 20/2) ==> T
(= 1 1.0 #c(1.0 0.0) #c(1 0)) ==> T

不等于用/= 来表示
(/= 1 1) ==> NIL
(/= 1 2) ==> T
(/= 1 2 3) ==> T
(/= 1 2 3 1) ==> NIL
(/= 1 2 3 1.0) ==> NIL

小于大于不大于不小于分别用 <, >, <=, and >= 表示，类似这些比较也可以有多个参数，每个参数与右边的参数比。
(< 2 3) ==> T
(> 2 3) ==> NIL
(> 3 2) ==> T
(< 2 3 4) ==> T
(< 2 3 3) ==> NIL
(<= 2 3 3) ==> T
(<= 2 3 3 4) ==> T
(<= 2 3 4 3) ==> NIL

另外还有取最大最小值的max和min函数
(max 10 11) ==> 11
(min -12 -10) ==> -12
(max -1 2 -3) ==> 2

参考: Practical Common Lisp  Chapter 10

Liz Cheney在福克斯新闻上说她爹，前副总统切尼应该竞选2012总统，实际上，玛雅人的日历都预料到这一点了，那一年，切尼成为总统，世界从此毁灭。

“Yesterday, President Obama visited the Great Wall of China. He said, ‘It’s magical. It reminds you of the sweep of history.’ When George Bush visited, he said, ‘It’s magical. It reminds you of something Spider-Man would love to climb.’” – Jimmy Fallon

昨天，奥巴马登上长城，感慨道：太神奇了，让我联想到了滚滚前进的历史；当年小布什爬长城时说：太神奇了，让我联想起蜘蛛人爱爬的墙。

“Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney slammed President Obama for bowing before the emperor of Japan. Cheney said, ‘Come on, it’s not like he’s the CEO of Exxon.’” – Conan O’Brien

前总统切尼批评奥巴马不该对日本天皇行大礼，鞠躬那么深，切尼说：何必呢，他又不是埃克森集团的CEO。

“I don’t know if you guys know this, but tomorrow is Vice President Joe Biden’s 67th birthday. Whenever he gets a birthday cake, he doesn’t blow out the candles, he just talks and talks until the candles decide to put themselves out.” – Jimmy Fallon

大伙知道吗？明天是我们副总统拜登67岁生日，每次过生日，他都不用吹蜡烛，就一直讲啊讲，蜡烛忍受不了自己就熄灭了。

“Sarah Palin launched her book tour this week with a stop in Michigan, where more than 1,000 people waited to meet her. Or, as Fox News reported it, half a million people.” – Seth Meyers

佩林开始了新书的宣传活动，这周在密歇根，有超过1000人来捧场，用福克斯新闻的话来说：50万人。
“Over the weekend, the Senate voted to allow debate on the healthcare bill. Can you believe that? It’s like fighting over whether or not to fight.” – Jimmy Fallon

这周末，参议院投票决定可以讨论医保计划。这叫啥事啊，好比先打一架来决定该不该打架。
“This week, Afghanistan’s President Hamid Karzai was sworn in wearing Afghanistan’s traditional clothing: Kevlar pants, a helmet and bulletproof vest.” – Jay Leno

本周阿富汗总统卡尔扎伊宣誓就职，他身着阿富汗传统服饰：是牢固纤维材料的裤子，头盔和防弹背心

But I think George W. Bush will be a great motivational speaker. I mean, look how many people he motivated to vote Democrat. So there you go!

我觉得布什是一个伟大的激励演讲者，你想啊，他激励了多少人去投民主党的票。
According to a report on CNN today — this is a report on CNN today, and I quote, “President Obama is close to formulating a new strategy for Afghanistan.” They say he’ll either decide to add more troops, reduce the number of troops or keep the troop levels the same. Good, solid reporting.

根据一份CNN的报道，“奥巴马即将作出对阿富汗的战略调整，有可能增加军队，也有可能减少军队，也有可能维持现有编制。”看，滴水不漏的报道。

奥巴马支持率降到46%，意味着54%的人不满他在任的表现，我觉得这根本就是不公平的，我们至少得等到他干点啥吧。

“President Obama is traveling to Asia this week. He’ll be making a trip to China. While he’s there, Obama plans to visit the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, and America’s money.” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马本周出访亚洲，将访问中国，在那里奥巴马准备去参观下紫禁城，长城和我们美国的钱。

“President Obama left this morning on a ten day trip to Asia. He assigned his kids some important chores. He said that while he’s gone, Sasha has to walk the dog, and Malia has to walk Biden.” – Jimmy Fallon

奥巴马开始10天亚洲之行，他临走给孩子布置了重要的任务，他说：我不在的时候，Sasha你要遛狗，Malia你要溜拜登。

“Gov. David Paterson made a shocking statement today. He said, ‘New York will be broke by Christmas.’ Today, Gov. Schwarzenegger said, ‘Christmas? What’s your secret? How’d you last so long?’” – Jay Leno

纽约州长David Paterson发表震撼声明：纽约在圣诞节前要破产，加州州长斯瓦辛格听了：圣诞节？有啥秘诀吗，你们咋能挺那么长时间呢？

“In her new book, Sarah Palin claims that before John McCain chose her as his running mate, his campaign spent $50,000 on a background check. Yeah. When he heard this, John McCain said, we should have spent $75,000.” – Conan O’Brien

在佩林新书里，佩林说麦凯恩选择自己作为竞选搭档前花了5万美元做她的背景调查，麦凯恩听到后，后悔道：再花两万五就好了。

“Sarah Palin’s got that book out, that ‘Going Rogue.’ And she says that she was upset with John McCain because at the end of the election night, the McCain people would not let her deliver a concession speech. And I thought, don’t worry, Sarah, I’m sure you’ll get another opportunity.” – David Letterman

佩林新书里说对麦凯恩很不满，因为大选出结果那晚他不让自己发表一个败选演讲，我觉得吧，别急，她肯定有机会的。

“Last week, an 11-year-old boy shot and killed a black bear that wouldn’t leave his family’s front porch. Right after that, Sarah Palin wanted to know if he would be her running mate for 2012.” –Jimmy Fallon

上周一11岁小男孩射杀一只在院里逗留的黑熊，事后，佩林想知道这小孩愿不愿意做自己2012年的竞选搭档。

“And then President Obama went to China and you know, China is the world’s third largest economy, right behind Japan and Oprah.” – David Letterman

奥巴马访问中国，中国是世界第三大经济体，仅次于日本和Oprah。

“In Sarah Palin’s new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, ‘Thank you, God,’ which is the same thing the Democrats said when they first laid eyes on Sarah Palin.” – Conan O’Brien

佩林新书里写到，当她第一次看到日后的丈夫的时候，她说，“谢天谢地啊，太好了！”这跟民主党第一次看到竞选对手是她发出的感慨一样。

纽约和费城的棒球总决赛，大家都很兴奋吧，纽约参议员Charles Schumer跟宾州参议员Arlen Specter打赌，赌注是纽约的芝士蛋糕和费城的芝士牛排，所以，无论谁赢，会有个人死于心脏病。

Yesterday, former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker. Afterwards, Bush said, “The crowd was so motivated, many of them left halfway through.”

昨天，前总统布什给了第一次激励演讲，结束之后布什说，看来观众大受鼓励，很多人没听完就走了。

And Osama bin Laden’s ex-wife has written a tell-all book about the terrorist. Even terrorists get scared when their ex-wives write a book.

本拉登前妻写了本关于他的书，连恐怖分子都害怕前妻出书。

“CBS News is reporting that President Obama has decided to send 40,000 more troops to Afghanistan. Obama says it’s all part of his plan to finally deliver on the campaign promises made by John McCain” – Jimmy Fallon

CBS新闻报道说奥巴马准备再派遣40000军队到阿富汗，奥巴马表示这是为了履行竞选承诺，麦凯恩的承诺。

“Google has announced that they’re going to give free Internet access in airports all across the country. It’s fantastic! Up until now, the only way to see something pornographic at an airport was to follow a senator into the bathroom.” – Craig Ferguson

Google宣布准备在全国所有机场提供互联网入口，太好了，因为现在在机场唯一能看A片的方法是跟着一个参议员进卫生间（前段时间有参议员在机场卫生间有不轨行为）。

“It’s been reported that outspoken anti-immigration anchor Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN. Yeah. True story, yeah. He’ll be replaced by a guy named Juan, who will do the same job for $5 an hour.” – Conan O’Brien

据报道著名反移民旗帜Lou Dobbs离开了CNN，实际情况是，他被一个叫胡安的人代替了，胡安做同样的事情，但是每小时只要5美元。

“Former President Bill Clinton talked to Senate Democrats about the healthcare bill. And he told them not to make the same mistakes he and Hillary did. That’s what he said, yeah. As a result, the senators all went home and got a divorce.” – Conan O’Brien

前总统克林顿跟民主党参议员谈起医保方案，他说你们千万不能再犯我和希拉里犯过的错误了，结果，这些参议员回家就都离婚了。

“I found out this by reading her memoir ‘Going Rogue,’ the Sarah Palin memoir, ‘Going Rogue.’ Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, believes the Berlin wall ran between Kanye West and Kanye East.” – David Letterman

读了佩林的回忆录《Going Rogue》我发现，这个前阿拉斯加的州长，认为柏林墙是砌在Kanye West和Kanye East之间的。

美国晚间脱口秀开场主持人先来Monologue，就是讲时事笑话，以下十个笑点比较常用，特举例说明。

0. 小布什很傻 1. 克林顿花心 2. 奥巴马爱秀 3. 切尼很好战 4. 拜登很墨迹

5. 佩林很幼稚 6. 拉里金很老 7. 福克斯很右 8. NBC收视差 9. 中国很强大

基本上算是按内容总结一下我翻译过的Monologue

0. 小布什很傻

“Former Vice President Dick Cheney is working on his memoirs. People say when the book comes out President Bush is not going to be happy. Not because the book is critical of Bush, but because it’s one of those books that’s all words.” -Conan O’Brien

前副总统切尼在写回忆录，大家认为布什对这本书不会高兴，不是因为这本书批评了布什，而是因为这是一本全是字的书。

“Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to politician. George Bush — the other way around.” – David Letterman

有来自明尼苏达的吗？恭喜，你们有了个新的参议员，我们的老朋友Al Franken，他可是个特搞笑的人，完成了从搞笑家到政治家的转变，布什，恰恰相反。

“President Obama giving a lot of very important speeches. He gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to succeed they need to work hard and study hard. Then today, former President George W. Bush presented the rebuttal.” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马做了很多重要演讲，今晚他讲了医保问题，昨天他给了学生一个演讲，说要想成功就得努力学习努力工作，今天，布什站出来，用自己给了个反例。

The University of Chicago, where President Obama once taught law, they want to house the Barack Obama presidential library. The library will be just like President George W. Bush’s library, except it will have books.

芝加哥大学，奥巴马曾经教书的地方，决定建一座奥巴马图书馆，跟布什图书馆差不多，但是里面有书。

1. 克林顿花心

“In a speech to the Clinton Global Initiative yesterday, President Obama thanked Bill Clinton for the extraordinary difference he has made since leaving the White House. Clinton then stood up and thanked President Obama for keeping Hillary so busy.” – Jimmy Fallon

昨天在克林顿的Global Initiative年会上，奥巴马对克林顿离开白宫后所做的努力表示感谢，克林顿也感谢奥巴马让希拉里一直这么忙。

“Former President Bill Clinton was recently asked about his wife Hillary’s 11-day trip to Africa. And he said, ‘I wish she were home.’ Then he said, ‘By which, I mean, I wish her home was Africa.’” -Conan O’Brien

前总统克林顿最近谈到妻子希拉里11天的非洲行时说，我希望她能待在家。接着补充到：我是指，我希望非洲是她的家。

Yesterday in New York, President Obama had lunch with former President Clinton. Afterwards, Clinton told Obama, “Remember, if Hillary asks, we had lunch and dinner, then I slept over at your place.”

昨天奥巴马和克林顿在纽约共进午餐，饭后，克林顿跟奥巴马说，如果希拉里问的话，就说我们一起吃了午餐和晚餐，晚上我在你家睡的。

It’s a great day for America, everybody. Yes, it is. It is our Secretary of State’s birthday. It is Hillary Clinton’s birthday. Happy birthday, Hillary. President Obama asked her what she wanted, she said, “Your job.”

今天是重要的日子，我们国家国务卿希拉里的生日，奥巴马问她想要什么生日礼物，希拉里说：你的工作。

Bill Clinton is planning a romantic candlelight dinner tonight. Then he’ll go home and see Hillary.

克林顿准备了一顿烛光晚餐，吃完他就回家见希拉里。

Did you hear this? Hillary Clinton busted her elbow. Apparently, she slipped and hit the floor when she went home to her husband early, unannounced.

听说了吗？希拉里伤了胳膊，他提前没告诉克林顿就回家结果滑到摔倒了地板上。

2. 奥巴马爱秀

By the way, the Emmys was the only Sunday television program that President Obama was not on yesterday.

艾美颁奖典礼是昨晚奥巴马唯一没出现的节目。

“It was big night on television tonight. And instead of showing President Obama’s healthcare speech that was on tonight, Fox aired its season premiere of ‘So You Think You Can Dance.’ I guess they wanted to give viewers a choice between hearing what’s wrong with our country and watching what’s wrong with our country.” – Jimmy Fallon

今晚电视屏幕有重头戏，除了FOX，所有公共电台都会播出奥巴马关于医保的演讲，FOX决定播出新一季的“舞林大会”，这样观众可以选择是听我们国家哪里出了问题还是看我们国家哪里出了问题。

3. 切尼很好战

Some Republicans are saying they want Dick Cheney, that’s right, Dick Cheney, to run for president in 2012. Of course, you have to remember that when they said this, Cheney was torturing them.

一些共和党人希望切尼参加2012大选，当然你要知道这些人这么说是因为切尼正在对他们刑讯逼供。

“Hey, wait a minute, you know on Sunday, it’ll be 16 years that Paul and I and everybody else have been here at CBS on the ‘Late Show.’ Sixteen years, ladies and gentlemen. I’ve been torturing people longer than Dick Cheney.” – David Letterman

等一下，这个周日是我在CBS的Late Show十六周年的纪念日，十六年了啊，同志们，我比切尼折磨人的年头还长啊。

4. 拜登很墨迹

He talked so long, even Joe Biden went, “Enough!”

卡扎菲讲的时间实在是太长了，连副总统拜登都站出来说，“停吧”

Muammar Qaddafi was at the U.N. today. He gave a speech that was extremely long. It was rambling and filled with inappropriate comments. As soon as Qaddafi finished, Joe Biden came up and said, “Teach me, master.”

卡扎菲马拉松似的演讲，主题散乱而且胡说八道，他一讲完，拜登立刻跳上台：“师父，教教我吧”

“This is actually a true story. It was in the news today. The latest slang dictionary reports that the word Obama means ‘cool,’ as in ‘you are so Obama.’ Also gaining popularity: the phrase ’shut your Biden-hole.’” – Conan O’Brien

今天新闻上说，最新的俚语词典收录了Obama的一个新解释，酷，比如“你很奥巴马”，另外一个引起注意的词，“闭上你的‘拜登’眼”。

Yesterday, President Obama was in New Orleans. A little boy asked President Obama, “Why do people hate you?” Then the little boy turned to Joe Biden and said, “I know why people hate you.”

昨天，奥巴马在新奥尔良，有个小孩问他，为啥人们都恨你呢？然后小孩又转向拜登，我知道为啥人们都恨你。

“A very happy birthday to President Obama, who turns 48 tomorrow. As a special gift, Joe Biden is giving him 24 hours of complete silence.” – Jimmy Fallon

奥巴马生日过的很快乐，作为特殊礼物，副总统拜登24小时没说话。

5. 佩林很幼稚

“President Obama is in Russia. And we know this because Sarah Palin says she can see him from her house.” – David Letterman

奥巴马在俄罗斯访问，我们获悉这个消息是因为佩林从家里看到了他。

And then next month, Sarah Palin is going to Hong Kong for a speaking engagement in Hong Kong. She says she can almost see Hong Kong from her house.

下个月佩林将到香港演讲，她说她几乎能从家里看到香港。

Chinese are all very excited, though. They think they’re getting Tina Fey.

中国人民很高兴，因为他们以为是Tina Fey要来。

“It’s an emotional day. A lot of us are still mourning the loss of one of America’s most entertaining figures, who left us all too soon. But don’t worry, folks, Sarah Palin will be back. Comedians everywhere are praying.” – Conan O’Brien

这是伤感的一天，我们都在哀悼逝去的美国第一娱乐偶像MJ，他早早的离开了。但是不要担心，兄弟们，佩林来了，全国的搞笑家们都在祈祷。

“Labor day weekend. Remember Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska? She’s having a big cookout for all her family, all of her friends up there in Alaska. And people say, ‘Is she any good? Can she cook?’ Remember last year she cooked John McCain’s goose? Remember that? Tremendous!” – David Letterman

劳动节长周末，还记得佩林吗？阿拉斯加前州长，她亲自下厨招待全家和亲朋好友，有人问：她厨艺咋样，她会煮啥?  嘿嘿，还记得去年她煮飞了麦凯恩到手的鸭子。

Hey, listen to this. You know the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin? Boy, I know her. She’s traveling all over the world now, speaking gigs. And she went to Hong Kong and gave a speech and people who heard the speech said it was articulate, it was well-prepared, it was compelling. It’s a year late, but …

前阿拉斯加州长佩林在周游世界，在香港做了个演讲，演讲说的很清晰准备很充分，效果很好，可惜啊可惜，晚了一年。

And if it was that good I’m thinking it must have been Tina Fey.

如果真是说得那么好的话，那肯定是Tina Fey（给的演讲）。

“Sarah Palin’s new autobiography doesn’t come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, ‘People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.’” – Jimmy Fallon

佩林的自传将于11月份上架，但是已经在亚马逊上排第一名了，上面简介写着：买这本书的人都是一辈子没买过别的书的。

People see her as a candidate in 2012. Some people have started giving money to her campaign. For instance, she just received a very generous check from Barack Obama to run.

人们将佩林看做2012总统大选的热门人物，已经有人开始给她的选举捐钱了，比如，最近奥巴马捐了一大笔。

Her book is No. 1 on Amazon.com right now. Stephen King actually has the No. 2 book. Very scary new book called “Sarah Palin Becomes President.”

佩林新书在Amazon上排名第一，排名第二的书是斯蒂芬金写的一本恐怖小说，名字叫：佩林成为美国总统

6. 拉里金很老

“Well, of course, this Sunday is Easter. Of course, Easter is that very, very holy day when Christians around the world honor a 2,000-year-old Jewish man who is not Larry King.” –Conan O’Brien

这周日是复活节，复活节是全世界基督徒用来纪念2000多岁的那个不是拉里金的犹太人的节日。

Lou Dobbs quit his show at CNN. I know! Everyone at the network was shocked. Larry King said, “Who’s Lou Dobbs? What the hell is CNN?”

Lou Dobbs 从CNN辞职了，每个员工都感到震惊，只有拉里金问，谁是Lou Dobbs，CNN是什么？

“The Washington Post reports today that Barack Obama wants to select Sanjay Gupta to be surgeon general. Yeah, Obama said the CNN doctor must be pretty good, because he’s kept Larry King alive all these years.” –Conan O’Brien

华盛顿邮报报道奥巴马提名Sanjay Gupta为卫生部长，奥巴马说这个来自CNN的医生一定很了不起，因为她让拉里金活了那么长时间。

7. 福克斯很右

Well, yesterday, President Obama was interviewed by a reporter from Fox News. Yeah. And you could tell the reporter was from Fox News because the first question was, “How do you think you’re doing as president on a scale from minus one to minus 10?”

昨天奥巴马接受FOX新闻台一个记者的采访，我们知道那是FOX新闻的记者因为他问了这么一个问题：-1到-10，总统先生，你给你的表现打多少分？

The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us.

白宫宣布不承认FOX是一个新闻机构，白宫比我们反应慢了8年。

“The White House has approved a new plan to pay — they’re going to pay members of the Taliban to change sides and support the U.S. And if it works there, they’re going to try it with Fox News.” – Jay Leno
白宫通过一个新计划-花钱收买塔利班成员，让他们叛变投靠美国。如果这招奏效的话，就将其用在Fox新闻台。

Not such a great day for Hillary Clinton. She fell down, broke her elbow. You know, Fox News is going to be all over this story. This proves the Democrats are weak. Reagan fell over 10 times, didn’t even break his hair.

今天希拉里克林顿不怎么走运，她跌了一跤摔到了手肘，Fox电视台又要开始小题大做了，这证明了民主党太弱了，里根摔过十几次，毫发未损。

8. NBC收视差

Well, this terror stuff is back in the news. Earlier today, the feds issued a new terror alert. They said terrorists are looking at hitting successful entertainment centers, so you folks at NBC are perfectly safe.

又有恐怖袭击警报，今天早些时候，政府发布安全警报，说恐怖分子要袭击一些比较成功的娱乐中心，所以我们在NBC这里是安全的。

“The latest polls show that President Obama’s approval ratings have slumped to an all-time low, which explains Obama’s new Secret Service code name, ‘NBC.’” – Conan O’Brien

最新民调显示奥巴马支持率创历史新低，这解释了总统的新的秘密服务代号：NBC

More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. And to disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons and the NBC primetime lineup.

伊朗骚乱愈演愈烈，政府继续镇压抗议者，为了驱散人群，伊朗警察动用了催泪瓦斯，高压水枪和NBC的黄金时间节目阵容

9. 中国很强大

Labor Day is the great American holiday where we honor American workers by going out and buying products made in China.

劳动节，是劳动者的节日，我们通过购买中国制造的东西来纪念这一天。

Earlier today, President Obama delivered a speech to America’s schoolchildren. And he encouraged them to work hard and study hard. Yeah, then he said if that doesn’t work, grab the seat next to the Asian kid.

今天早些时候，奥巴马对全国学生讲话，他说：你们要刻苦学习，当然，如果做不到的话，考试的时候找一个亚洲学生，坐在他旁边。

“The President also said that kids — he told them if they study hard, the United States will continue to prosper. Then he added, ‘But just to be safe, bone up on your Chinese.’” – Jimmy Fallon

总统好说，如果大家都刻苦学习，美国将持续的繁荣昌盛，不过，为了安全起见，你们还是多练练汉语吧。

“Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke will serve four more years, or until the United States becomes a colony of China.” – David Letterman

美联储主席伯南克将连任，直到美国成为中国的殖民地。

Yesterday, President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, “I’d like to encourage you to do some shopping while you’re here.” I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.

昨天奥巴马在联合国大会上发表演说，他鼓励联合国的理事国们在这能购物一下，刚说完中国就决定买了八个银行，两个汽车厂和怀俄明州。

昨天奥巴马接受FOX新闻台一个记者的采访，我们知道那是FOX新闻的记者因为他问了这么一个问题：-1到-10，总统先生，你给你的表现打多少分？

The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us.

白宫宣布不承认FOX是一个新闻机构，白宫比我们反应慢了8年。

The University of Chicago, where President Obama once taught law, they want to house the Barack Obama presidential library. The library will be just like President George W. Bush’s library, except it will have books.

芝加哥大学，奥巴马曾经教书的地方，决定建一座奥巴马图书馆，跟布什图书馆差不多，但是里面有书。

People see her as a candidate in 2012. Some people have started giving money to her campaign. For instance, she just received a very generous check from Barack Obama to run.

人们将佩林看做2012总统大选的热门人物，已经有人开始给她的选举捐钱了，比如，最近奥巴马捐了一大笔。

Her book is No. 1 on Amazon.com right now. Stephen King actually has the No. 2 book. Very scary new book called “Sarah Palin Becomes President.”

佩林新书在Amazon上排名第一，排名第二的书是斯蒂芬金写的一本恐怖小说，名字叫：佩林成为美国总统

克莱斯勒宣布启用新的车标，希望能提高销售量，应该能有效果，因为新车标上写的是“Toyota”

Are you getting excited about Halloween? These kids are so imaginative. I remember last year, a kid came to my door dressed as a Goldman Sachs executive, demanded 4.5 billion pieces of candy. It was amazing.

万圣节来了，孩子们忒有想象力了，去年，我记得有个小孩敲我家门，穿成一个高盛的高管，管我要45亿块糖，太牛了。

Yesterday, President Obama was in New Orleans. A little boy asked President Obama, “Why do people hate you?” Then the little boy turned to Joe Biden and said, “I know why people hate you.”

昨天，奥巴马在新奥尔良，有个小孩问他，为啥人们都恨你呢？然后小孩又转向拜登，我知道为啥人们都恨你。

And according to USA Today, car sales are now at a 20-year low. Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it.

根据USA Today的报道，汽车销售量到20年最低点，那肯定的，人都住在车里当然没法偷了。

And one of the most popular Halloween costumes being sold at Target stores this year — this is real — is the illegal alien costume. It’s so authentic, it even comes with a California driver’s license and health insurance.

今年Target商店最受欢迎的万圣节服装之一是，这是真的，是非法外国移民服装，做的太像了，还附有加州驾照和医保呢。

It’s a great day for America, everybody. Yes, it is. It is our Secretary of State’s birthday. It is Hillary Clinton’s birthday. Happy birthday, Hillary. President Obama asked her what she wanted, she said, “Your job.”

今天是重要的日子，我们国家国务卿希拉里的生日，奥巴马问她想要什么生日礼物，希拉里说：你的工作。

Bill Clinton is planning a romantic candlelight dinner tonight. Then he’ll go home and see Hillary.

克林顿准备了一顿烛光晚餐，吃完他就回家见希拉里。

不过最近读传奇程序员的八卦访谈合集《Coders at Work》， 发现这个采访者写过一本《Practical Common Lisp》，官网可以免费看，发现确实写的好，至少让我能看下去。就把读这本书的笔记整理下，记录下整个过程的困惑疑问，以及开窍的过程。

首先得有个Lisp环境，这个简单，作者Peter Seibel在官网上附上了一个地址, 本质上就是个Emacs加Slime，加一些书上要用到的代码宏库什么的集成环境。不过我没用这个，我用的是单纯的Lisp in a box。如果你用Windows系统，最简单了，先下载安装base installer，再下载安装CLISP module，然后开始菜单就能看到安好了，点击就能用了。若是Linux，如果安了emacs，需要安装lisp（我是ubuntu下apt-get install cmucl)和SLIME，如果不习惯emacs，可以找找别的lisp编程环境，我就没经验了，具体怎么下载安装配置我就不细说了。一切就绪后，在emacs里 Alt+x 输入 slime，就启动了lisp环境。

其实linux下最简单的方法是安装lisp之后，直接在terminal输入lisp，就出来一个lisp的环境，类似python的调用方法，但这样就没有一个适合lisp的editor，总所周知，lisp的语法是比较变态的，不用一个专门的editor是很痛苦的。

看见了命令行，可以输入一些简单命令体会一下，唯一需要说明的是Lisp用分号(可以不止一个）表示注释。

总之吧，现阶段，Lisp就是很多括号，运算符在最前，每个命令都有个返回值。

“The White House has approved a new plan to pay — they’re going to pay
members of the Taliban to change sides and support the U.S. And if it
works there, they’re going to try it with Fox News.” – Jay Leno
白宫通过一个新计划-花钱收买塔利班成员，让他们叛变投靠美国。如果这招奏效的话，就将其用在Fox新闻台。

“One year ago today, ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama was elected
president, one year ago today. One year later, we’re still in Iraq.
We’re still in Afghanistan. But, you know, at least we got rid of Paula
Abdul.” – David Letterman
一年前，奥巴马当选美国总统，一年之后，我们还陷在伊拉克，陷在阿富汗，不过，至少我们摆脱了Paula Abdul（原美国偶像评委）

“Clinton and Bush are debating, and, honestly, think about it, what is
more exciting than a presidential debate that doesn’t count, if you
think about it?” – David Letterman
克林顿和布什将要辩论，想像一下，还有什么比不算数的总统辩论更有意思的？

最近NBC晚间脱口秀主持人Conan O’Brien在节目的例行讲笑话环节里讲了一个新泽西州Newark市的笑话：”Newark市长希望启动一个项目来提升市民的健康水平，这个项目里包含了一张离开Newark的车票。”

这本来是一个平淡无奇的笑话，晚间脱口秀禁忌较少，主持人经常开地域玩笑，新泽西和中西部的各州几乎每期节目都被嘲笑一番，大家笑笑也不在意。

但是这次Newark市长Cory Booker显得极为愤怒，在Youtube上发布了一段视频，宣布Newark市不欢迎Conan，同时将其列入Newark国际机场的禁飞名单（No Fly List）。视频地址

脱口秀主持人可不是善茬，当然要反击，展示了几段抹黑Newark市的图片，同时表示Newark国际机场有一个Terminal不在Newark，而在Elizabeht市;然后邀请Cory Booker市长上自己的节目来解决这段恩怨，同时宣布禁止CoryBooker到Burbank机场，离节目录制地环球影城最近的机场。视频地址

市长也不是好惹的，再度发布Youtube视频，将论战升级，联合新泽西所有的市长，禁止Conan进入整个新泽西州，以及全球所有Newark的友好城市。同时表示，上节目也可以，Conan得先到Newark来看看这个美丽的城市（貌似有点闹矛盾，不过稍微有心的人都看出来这是市长利用这个机会来宣传自己的城市），同时戏谑了一下前一阵子Conan在节目跟Teri Hatcher跑步比赛受伤的事。视频地址

Conan回应，借施瓦辛格之口，禁止Booker市长进入加州。并说，既然我们俩互相禁止对方到自己的地盘，我们应该选两地的中点肯塔基州会面。  视频地址

市长继续在Youtube上回应，宣称全国已经分成了Cory州和Conan州两大阵营，同时接受了Conan的邀请到Tonight Show作客。 视频地址

几天之后，Conan再度回应，节目里拿出一封信，号称来自Newark临近的Elizabeth市的市长Chris Bollwage，信上说：”虽然新泽西其他城市都禁止你入境，但我们市热烈欢迎你，同时把位于该市的Newark国际机场TerminalA临时改名为Conna O’Brien Terminal。“更过分的是，Conan继续说, 我联合了Newark周边的几个城市，Bayonne, East Orange, Kearny, Jersey City,和 Elizabeth 的市长，在地理上，这几个城市包围了Newark，形成了一个马桶盖形状，Conan启动冲水按钮，冲走了Newark市。然后挑衅说，该你了，Booker市长。视频地址

论战不断升级，这时大人物出场，美国国务卿希拉里出面调停：看在Conan刚脑震荡的情况下，大家和解吧。视频地址

最后，10月16日，Booker市长作为嘉宾出现在Conan的节目里，气氛相当和谐，Booker表示自己其实是Conan节目的粉丝。Conan准备了一个Newark笑话储钱罐，以后自己每次讲一个关于Newark的笑话，就放里面500美元，然后开始了第一个笑话：放心吧，这个罐是安全的，我们不把它放在Newark。最后Conan捐给了Newark一个慈善组织5万美元，然后NBC也捐了5 万。视频地址

这件事从一个笑话开始，本来这种笑话在晚间脱口秀很常见，但是市长是这个节目的粉丝，看到亵渎自己的城市，就作为搞笑回应了一下，于是你来我往就开始了，即使是市长也无权禁止一个人到自己的城市，从双方视频上能看出来，俩人都是装着严肃，实际上都知道在玩呢。最后Newark的慈善组织成了赢家，Conan的节目提高了收视率，市长在全国电视台曝光，为以后的仕途打下了基础，也许美国第二个非裔总统就是他呢，同时也为Newark市改善了形象（如果不熟悉Newark的人看了也许意识到原来是很烂的城市，要不也不能总拿它开玩笑，事实上Newark确实是纽约新泽西附近治安最差的地区，黑人特别多），观众也得到了娱乐，这个噱头算是成功了。

类似的例子在脱口秀里还有很多，比如 Jimmy Kimmel和Matt Damon的互相攻击。

奥巴马在匹兹堡的G-20会议上发言，他警告说，如果世界经济再不好转的话，明年G-20还在匹兹堡开。

“Did you hear about this? Dick Cheney had back surgery. It’s from carrying Bush for eight years.” – David Letterman

听说了吗，切尼背部手术，那是因为背了布什八年啊。

“According to a new study out of the University of Chicago, participating in sports can make you smarter. That explains how these college athletes are able to graduate without even going to class.” – Jay Leno

芝加哥大学最新研究指出，参加体育运动能让人变得聪明，这就解释了为什么大学的体育特招生一节课不去上都能毕业。

“Sarah Palin’s new autobiography doesn’t come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, ‘People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.’” – Jimmy Fallon

佩林的自传将于11月份上架，但是已经在亚马逊上排第一名了，上面简介写着：买这本书的人都是一辈子没买过别的书的。

“According to a new study out of the University of Michigan, during this bad economy, people’s health is actually better than it was before. Isn’t that amazing? When times are bad economically, people stay in better health, to which former President Bush said, ‘You’re welcome!’” – Jay Leno

根据密歇根大学的最新研究，在这个经济衰退时期，民众的健康状况比往常好很多，太不可思议了，钱越少，越健康，奥巴马说：不客气。